The Art of Self Deprecation

So, upon a suggestion from my wife, I've decided to write a blog about me. She thinks that if all I do is make fun of other people, readers will think I'm an Ass...so I'll write a blog making fun of myself. Where to start...when I was 4 years old I got in my first real fight...with my sister...that was 2. I ended up in the ER. Now Jessica (my wife) always says she likes that I'm not a fighter, I tend to want to talk things out...that didn't and still doesn't work with girls like my sister. She basically took a hard bound Alvin and the Chipmunks book and tried to bash in my skull (the ER visit came from the direct hit to my right eye). There, first fight, beat up by a girl 1/2 my age. Fast forward to 4th grade when my jean brand of choice went from "Bugle Boy" to whatever you have in size "husky" (fat) and very short. That phenomenal body type, paired with my super sweet tri-color silk jacket, (worn on a daily basis) was one of the worst train wrecks in U.S. history. Now we are in middle school. To say that I was not one of those kids that looked good/normal in middle school would be a huge lie. I was still "chubby", shy, quiet, had hair that a tornado couldn't knock out of place, and pit stains the size of a small island. Needless to say I didn't have any girls following me home from school, and the one girl that did "like" me, broke up with me the day before the Winter Dance due to my out break of poison ivy. Can you blame her??  I think this part of my life played a huge role in my ability to laugh off pretty much everything. I mean, when you get on the bus and sit by the girl you have a huge crush on and she says "Eww" and all but tries to throw herself out the window (she would've made it if it weren't for her backpack), you can either laugh or follow her out that window and hope to land under the bus. So thank you poor eating habits/low metabolism/clothing choices that make you say Really?? Joey, you gave me the sense of humor that I have today.