Monday, March 7, 2011

3 idiots and a baby...

So, I'm sick of Charlie Sheene. Honestly, I've never been a fan but until now he's been pretty easy to avoid...I mean as long as you’re not a coke dealer, a prostitute (Goddess?? wtf), or watching 2 and a half men you'd never see him. Well apparently his coked-out crazy is rubbing off on the nation’s skanks and sadly some of these people seem worse off than he is.

Skank #1 is from eastern Kentucky of course. A 26 year old man from Hazard got drunk and needed a ride home on Saturday night. Now I myself have been in this situation many times, even drunk I'm aware of my options, a. call my wife and beg her to come and pick me up, b. call a cab or c. get a ride with a friend and sleep my drunk off on their couch (not a good idea after you get married). Apparently there is an option D that I was not aware of...just steal an ambulance. The drunk was pulled over and arrested...he didn't understand why, he simply said" I needed a ride home and planned to return it tomorrow" Really? Loser.

Ballsy Skank #2 is from Ohio and was pulled over for speeding. When the officer asked him if he'd been drinking he literally took a sip from his open beer can and said "Yep". The article went on to say he failed a series of field sobriety tests...well thanks for that I never would've guessed.

Skank of the Year#3 is one of the biggest messes I've ever read about. Mr. Carroll, 36, from L.A. just did a little meth and drove down the highway at speeds in excess of 100mph. WITH HIS WIFE CLINGING TO THE WINDSHIELD WIPERS!!!Geri Halliwell Ikea Apparently she didn't think he was in any condition to drive so she jumped on the hood of the van to make him stop...I mean, she is married to this guy so her intelligence was already in question. One witness was quoted in saying "The woman desperately gripped a windshield wiper blade, her body splayed across the hood of the minivan as it raced down a Northern California freeway in the middle of the night." and the police report states that Mr. Carroll slowed down and his wife was "able to roll off" are you kidding me?? Now here is where the story goes from Really?? to...well there isn't a word for where it went. One week prior to this joyride Police received a phone call from a witness who reported that Carroll had climbed into a 6-foot-deep trash bin in Manteca and was threatening to drown himself in the 5 inches of water that had collected at the bottom. What are you on that makes you want to drown yourself in dumpster water?? Thankfully the attempted murder charge and jail time he faces will help him sober up.

And a baby...nope, she wasn't pregnant. A "pregnant" woman was stopped at the U.S. border where police discovered that her unborn child was actually over 34,000 ecstasy pills hidden in a body suit. Talk about a bundle of Joy. She is too ridiculous to say anything else about.

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