These is hard times.

I realize that times are tough for a lot of folks right now, and I am VERY grateful to have employment. I'm even more grateful for the "are you kidding me" moments that happy nearly everyday. Priority one of my job is to find employment for clients that are un/under employed by offering various tools to assist them in re entering the work force.Yesterday a co-worker and I were looking over some resumes, which is really the first impression a new employer has of you right?...after thinking it over, I decided I would let everyone know what NOT to put on your resume. I realize that a lot of this may seem far fetched or exaggerated but I promise, it's all true. (Names have been changed to hide individuals sad identity).. I've complied the TOP  things you shouldn't put on your resume.

1. your resume should be professional, clean, easy to read...and unless you're applying for a job at  it should NEVER BE HAND WRITTEN. Do this only if you're trying to stay on unemployment!

Ok so now that we are aware that resumes should be typed, lets discuss some things you shouldn't include in your typed resume:

2. Unless you are a NO ONE cares about your religion so please do not include that.

3. There is also no need to include your age or gender, even if you're name is Jesse or Terry or some other (gender neutral) name, it's no longer cool to discriminate based on gender so again, irrelevant.

4. Your Someone Else's future employer also could care less if you are single, married or  which apparently there is a cake market for???  &  Really?

5. Unless you are auditioning for a movie role, there is no need to include your weight The only person that cares is you...I'm more concerned with why that man painted his toenails? WTH.

6. I've seen more than one resume with the names and ages of every child and grandchild listed...Unless your applying to a stupid reality show...why???

7. You should have taken your objective off of your resume by now...why it was ever a good idea I'm not sure but if you must keep it, please don't have most VAGUE/obvious objective i.e. Objective: To find employment...oh so that's why you made this resume, sorry bro you wasted your time.

8. It is no longer 1986 so everyone should have an email address by now...and most do. That said, as EASY and FREE as it is to create an email...Why, YummyMommy69@whatever.com when applying to a daycare would you not make a new more approprite email, you too ladyofthenite@gmail , stealyoho@areyoukidding and cougarontheprowl4u@igiveup what misfire is going on in your brain that you think anyone will take you seriously with that at the top of your resume.

Now, hopefully no one reading this has any of that crap on their resume...but if you do,  for this free service. If you have one, which you should, make sure your cover letter is an actual letter and not a  stuck to the front of your resume...and there is no need for the cover letter to say "cover letter", trust me, they know what it is. Finally, after you've got your resume nice and clean...please don't go all origami on the poor thing just so it will fit into a tiny envelope  they make large envelopes you idiot, you're not writing to your you're trying to get a job.