In a temporary moment of insanity, I decided it would be a good idea..."fun" even, to go out Thanksgiving night and do all the Black Friday stuff in an attempt to get a 46in. TV for $298 at Target. Sounds normal right...well here is a quick bit of history...
Until 2 thanksgivings ago, every holiday since I was 17 has been spent working in retail and I HATED Black Friday, everyone that shopped
, well I hated everything about this time of year. Once I got out I swore I would NEVER again be out in that mess and there I stood, like a big twat, waiting in line with all the other losers on Thanksgiving night.
I left my family dinner and decided to stop by Target just to see if there was a line...it was only 9:30 so I didn't think anyone would be there (see above). After seeing that line I thought...no way will I get that TV but I decided to stand there anyway. Jess dropped me off and armed with 2 cans of luke warm coke to keep me hydrated and awake I took my place in line. I had no intention of making friends with anyone around me...after all, these were the people I hated only a few years ago...and here I was standing arm and arm with them singing Christmas carols and talking about all the great deals we were about to score. OK, so really that's not true but I did make black Friday friends with those around me...mostly so that if I fell and was being trampled they may kick me out of the way.
The couple behind me called themselves Black Friday Professionals, i.e. dumb asses.
She explained that they do this every year...one year even bringing their 18 month old out in the snow in order to get the "sympathy vote" of other shoppers. Ummm, can someone please call 
. Me...being the unprofessional shopper that I am, hadn't even looked at the ads, so when I asked if I could look at the one she had brought, she said yes but when she handed it to me it was twisted so tightly that it made a sharp point...I'm assuming so she could use it as a dagger, that i just thanked her and handed it back...handle first of course 
. The people in front of me seemed normal...except that they had brought a coffee pot, chairs, two blankets and a board game so whenever they said something to me I pretended to be deaf. Around 10:45 I thought about leaving...there was NOTHING else I could make small talk about and none of my friends were responding to my
words, and I was cold. Then, a target employee started walking down the line. You see, it had been explained to me that 
were to be handed out for door buster items. When he gets to me, I'm pumped to get my ticket for the TV and he says "Sir, would you like a snack". Really? I took the snack, a yummy chocolate covered peppermint bar...FOR WOMEN. WTH? Of course this sends all of the "gentlemen" around me into a fit of laughter, talking about how "I aint growin no boobs" & "what if I get my period"...which that was a valid point b/c there wasn't even a place to go the bathroom, let alone deal with that. I just kept my mouth shut and put the estrogen bar in my coat pocket with my cokes that...due to the bathroom issue, had remained unopened.In an attempt to drown out the boisterous laughter and discussions about whether the bar can really make you develop breast, I start to reflect on how poor I am. I could have purchased this TV yesterday for $500.00 but instead I decide to wait in line for 4 hours, in the cold, with people I would rather not talk to, to save $200. Sad sad day. Given, $200.00 is right at 1/2 of my annual salary but still...pathetic. Then I started to think that maybe I shouldn't even spend $300, I mean we do have a baby on the way...and then I realized I'd left my wallet in the car. (Remember Jess dropped me off). UGH! So I call Jess, and as I'm asking her to bring me my wallet, I see a new Target employee handing out the actual tickets!
This is it! As I stand there anxiously awaiting my ticket, watching the guy get closer and closer, I decide that it's been worth it. Then he hands me my ticket...which turns out to be a coupon for .50cents off a box of chocolate covered peppermint bars for women. At this point I was glad I had given the paper dagger back to my neighbor. Jess shows up at 11:45, gives me my wallet and we wait for the doors to open. At Midnight, the doors open and the cattle are herded into the store...
It was literally the dumbest thing I've ever witnessed. In line outside women are cussing at each other. "Touch my kid again and I'll show you black Friday bitch" What does that even mean? An old woman "looking for her grandson" was trying to cut line and was thrown to the ground..jpg)
From the back of the line, someone yelled 
and I never saw the old woman again.Once we made it inside I made my way to the TVs...there were 5 left (of only 10) and it turns out you did have to have a ticket; thanks for telling me Target. At this point people are threatening death to the employee guarding the TVs, I on the other hand, admit defeat...realize I am an Idiot and am at home with the biggest glass of red wine known to man by 12:30.
.In hindsight, it really wasn't THAT bad, it made for a good story and I got to see what Christmas is all about...skanks waiting in line, trampling each other, and cussing out retail employees, all in the name of saving money that they probably shouldn't be spending anyway. Happy Holidays!
Currently my DVR is at 88% which can partly be blamed on my renewed obsession with 
! The rest of the dvr, other than the 20 hours of 
that my wife and I have stocked piled, is new fall programming. The pilot episode of any show is never amazing (except Modern Family) but there has to be that moment where you like a character or you laugh out loud...if that hasn't happened by the 2nd episode (1st episode if it's an hour long show) I'm out! Here is how the current fall line up is looking.
is one of my favorite new shows. I would love pretty much anything Ms. Applegate does and Mya Rudolph literally makes my stomach ache the next day! The good thing about this show is that the comedy doesn't seemed forced and when Mya said "Edge of Seventeen" in the pilot episode, I literally re-watched that clip 10 times. I see it being around for a while! Another great new show, my wife's favorite, is 
. Different, quirky, and funny in it's own way, Zooey isn't afraid to look like an idiot which makes for great tv!
is one that I wrote off just based on the story line, but it has its moments. The bad/dirty girl meets heiress thing is kinda played out but it has its moments and since CBS has nothing else on except Survivor, I think it will make it...but no more than one season. Chelsea Lately employee Whitney Cummings produces broke girls...and also stars in 
which seems to be getting good reviews but I tried to watch it and within in the first 2 segments the series recording was deleted from the DVR. EWW
is probably my favorite new Fall show, and if the picture doesn't explain why, it's because rachel bilson makes me look like I have rabies. 
. The show is decently written, and is an easy, feel-good hour of tv. To say that Bilson is likable is an understatement.
had me before it even premiered. Emily Vancamp, a transplant from one of my fave shows ever, 
stars in this very well written, unpredictable drama, no humor here but its addictive! Speaking of Brothers & Sisters (RIP) I knew ABC had to put an excellent show in that time slot, and they did. 
is great!It makes me wish I lived in that era where people dressed up to take a flight! Theshow has an obvious "mad men" feel that I love and newbie Margot Elise Robbie is a dead ringer for a young 
and...I ain't mad! Another show that I thought was going to do well but has already gotten the AX was 
. I blame this in part to being a poorly done mad men knock off, as well as not great writing...to bad b/c it could've been great. Really, I think it was the curse of
that killed the show. Playboy club will soon to be joined by, Free Agents, How to be a gentleman, hopefully Whitney and Unforgettable. Also, even though I'm a fan of her, 
was lame and looked as though it was filmed on a $4 budget.
were arrested in Graves Co. Kentucky for refusing to put reflectors on the back of their wagons. Unlike the "uppity" Amish below, these men believe the reflectors to be "too modern".
(conformists!). 
YIKES!
Louise Anderson is charged with theft by deception...no one can tell if she's happy or sad...or seductive??
see.
Fa'Rhonda Jones was arrested for attempted robbery after "she?" attempted to pose as a mannequin in order to rob the store after hours.
Billy Goates was arrested for attempted bestiality for trying to seduce a sheep by wrapping his nasty ass gauged ears around themselves to make him look more animal like (see amish).
&
Thelma and Louise were arrested for prostitution.
Hoopy Goldberg was arrested for that hair cut.
The Reigning Mrs. Chalupa was arrested for being a drag and getting in a fight with another pagent girl 
I can see it!
Really?
for impersonating Nicki Minaj!
Arrested during the middle of her haircut on drug dealing charges. Hopefully she'll get clean in jail...poor thing is only 22, a HARD 22.
Until today, she was a "FUNctioning alcoholic.
.
and I couldn't look at anymore after the queef dressed as a breathalyzer got a DUI.
and 
/
are cool but 
, 
, and 
(remember ashanti) are NOT cool. The problem with American culture/freedom is that complete idiots are given the right to think they are cool. I'm all for equal rights blah blah and I appreciate the humor that comes from these people...but reallly?
idiot.
. Really? First off, Cat Lady Liberty, maybe if you took more time "maintaining" your other cat, Uncle Sam Whiskers wouldn't be your only friend and second...I would just like to see tat guy & vest guy brawl to see who loves Amurica more! Losers.
home on September 6th. Apparently he did not plan to rob the singer but broke in only to draw himself a nice warm bubble bath 
for some post bath pastry. When police arrived on the scene Mr. Bedard was coming down stairs and asked what they were doing there. He was quickly arrested. Once informed of what had happened Celine was disgusted 
and couldn't believe her ears 
. She the quickly ran to her bedroom where her worst nightmare was realized 
the crook had taken a gift Celine's old ass husband had gotten when he sailed to the US on the titanic. Sources say the priceless item
is still missing.