Casey Abrams
opened the show. He needs to shave that nasty ginger beard, that thing combined with the lights...this guy was sweating like 
when he finished singing the hit single "I heard it through the grapevine" by 
. Thia finally woke up and moved around a little bit and channeled her inner asian hannah montana. But apparently walking and singing is pretty difficult because she forgot the lyrics twice...
(that's her waving bye b/c she's going home.) 
went next and the judges loved him! I don't see it, he's talented but the way he sings just makes me queasy...Hopez said she was "begging for it". WOW. Lauren went next...she is soo cute and incredibly talented. She's just effortless...but she is sooooooooooo tacky. Looking at her mother,
it's easy to see where she gets her "taste". Stefano made Gennifah disappear. She literally slid out of her chair...she was able to wipe the drool off of her face long enough to give him some criticism. He sang "Hello" and did an ok job, except he mouthed "I Love You" after the song was over, into the camera. EWWWWW. What a..... 
(That's a cheese ball). He has a slight chance of being in the bottom 3 but he won't go home. Haley...I just don't get it. She is probably the most talented person vocally in the competition. She can do ANYTHING with her voice, the judges even said so. She's been in the bottom 2 each week??? She did waaaaaay better last night and kept her lipstick off her face so I'm hoping she dodges another bullet. Next was Twatty 
I HATE THIS GUY! First, look at his fingernails. Second...he's just awful. Next was the moment I wait 7 days for My PP (that's what she asked that I call her) Pia Toscano killed it.
She needs to sing something upbeat before she starts boring people but I still don't have any complaints...and that's the only "negative" thing the judges said to her too. I have no doubt that she will be in the finals!!Paul went next. He is still quirky enough to make him one of my fave guys but he's starting to get lost a little in my opinion, needs to do something crazy. 
followed Paul and she of course had a ridiculous dance break in the middle of her song...I'm done with 
. Closing the show was 
).Bottom 3 are 
Stefano and Haley may sneak in there but I think the did well enough to be safe. As much as I hate Medusa, I think Thia will be out.
. NO my God this place was sooooo stupid. Before I even find a parking spot I see a lady with her stomach in a wheel barrow rolling down the parking lot. "This is going to be fun" I think to myself. When we walk in the door I see a huge sign "Welcome To Paradise" Really? We are then literally wrangled, like cattle, (with 20 other people) to the cash register.
. Why the hell is this place so crowded? We then spend the next 10 minutes trying to find a table for 6...this place is packed, and the fact that most of the customers require 2 chairs didn't help. Finally our waitress "Rapunzel" finds us a table. Just a sec "baby" let me clean this off. After a few more "sweet hearts" and "honeys" she lets us sit down, she was nice. Now it's time to eat.
was looking really good. Before I even begin to eat I'm wishing I could be a fly on the wall to watch my wife. She thinks buffets are gross and has no tolerance for stupid people so I knew it was going to be great. She returns to the table with a tossed salad (get your mind out of the gutter) and a biscuit. She says that first she dropped her fork and homeless man (probably the manager) picked it up and gave it back to her as if she should/could/would??? still use it. After that, a woman in front of her turned and burped in her face..."ohh, sorry she said". I love women that burp at the buffet.
, that as much as I wanted ranch dressing I opted to do without b/c I couldn't touch the ladle after she had...does that make me an ass...or maybe smart???
. The only guy in the group gave me the stank eye when I looked at his "woman". Did he really think I was interested...first she had no teeth, well maybe a few, and second...the tattoo on her neck summed up both her look and personality. On her neck in a beautiful feminine script..."Rough" To avoid stank eye skank I went to get dessert, Rough's mother came behind me and got to the soft serve before I could. She had on acid washed jeans, house shoes and a shirt that had "Baby Gurl" printed on it 3000 times. "You go ahead baby girl, get that soft serve" I thought to myself. Well, she ruined my dessert b/c while I'm waiting for her to finish...the ice cream doesn't "cut off" and fall into her bowl so she proceeds to "scissor it" with her fingers touching both hers and what would've been mine. "Don't tell" she whispers. Don't tell who I thought...the manager that thought Jess should use that fork...like he would care.
, so I immediately text my buddy who is getting married next month, just so he is aware of all of his reception options. As I pull out of the parking lot I see a sign that reads "I buy un-opened diabetic test strips". Talk about knowing your target market.
, or even that 4 leaf clovers are lucky...well maybe I do a little...and are they even Irish or is that strictly shamrock territory??? In general I'm not attracted to red heads
and don't have much green in my closet so why do I celebrate this day...drinking duh. St. Patrick's day is one of the few holidays that is, in my opinion, just an excuse to drink. I've had green beer...the novelty of it makes it fun but it tastes like...beer. I love beer but it fills me up faster than it gets me drunk...FAIL. So to prepare for tonight (I wish I was off tomorrow) I've searched the web to find some hopefully "lucky" St. Patty's day cocktails.
: Mojito...fresh to death. Love these
looks like a super sweet stomach ache to me, but I chug everything. Sipping is lame.
that you can find, a few bottles of tonic water (or mixer of your choice) a couple of limes and some 
. I'm not sure what the name of this cocktail is...I just call it drunk.
Naima Adedapo
"sang" What's love got to do with it and in my opinion...beat up Tina Turner worse than Ike ever did. She's terrible. TERRIBLE, how she escaped the bottom 3 last week I have no idea but I think she's in trouble this week...and the producers put her in the forgettable first spot. Bradley Cooper's 
cousin Paul Mcdonald 
followed with some Elton John. My wife LOVES this guy, "I could be his wife" she said last night. I like him a lot too, he's very unique but his movements are almost distracting...but he's going to go a long way. Steven Tyler referred to him as a "cool dude with a loose mood" haha?. Apparently 'Vote for the Worst' has picked him soo??? Do with that what you will.
. He can't hold a tune and thinks that his ability to screech like an owl will help him win, he actually said "I'm saving Aerosmith for the finale" really? Last week you were playing up the crowd and tonight you're the winner...shut up. He won't make top 5. Haley 
is soooooo good but she has to get her shit together. Last week she was in the bottom 2 yet she has one of the best voices of the top 13, she can sing anything. She did ok, has great moments and eh moments and ended the performance with red lipstick smeared all over her face..
.so much so that Peaches Seacrest had to come over and help clean her up. The jury is still out on her fate...who knows? FINALLY Stefano got it together, I've been rooting for this guy from the get go and last night he killed "if you don't know me by now". Def one of the best performances of the night...better than any other guy. Gennifah kept trying to seduce him from the judges table
she wants this kid's jalapeno. Wifey Pia Toscano...my notes from her performance are difficult to read b/c I drooled all over them.
.. oops. Her voice is equal to her attractiveness and she makes smart song choices..she will be in the finals for sure!
I hate his haircut and the fact that he referred to his "fan base"...really? And most of all his arrogance. He sucked. I don't think he'll go home this early but he'll be one of the 1st boys to go. Karen is the biggest loser on this show...there is nothing about her that isn't laughable. 
is sooo musically talented...but I think he's a liar. He claims to only be 19 but I remember him from my early morning tv sessions in the 80's 
right? He sang 'smells like teen spirit". The judges like it, said he was fearless...which he is, but I wasn't a fan last night.
Closing the show was Jacob Lusk. He usually is effortless but last night he was a shrieking off pitch tranny mess. He tried to take Heart's "alone" to church which failed. As unlikeable as I think he is...if he doesn't have his perfect voice,he won't be around long. 
, along with some VERY talented and likable contestants, Idol is back.
Casey Abrams 
was next...Phenomenal. He's like Taylor Hicks (worst idol winner ever...just look at record sales) except waaaaay more talented. Diana Ross' granddaughter went 3rd. 
Ashton was lucky enough to snag a wild card spot last week...what a waste. She sang a terrible version of a terrible song and I hate when hot girls make themselves look gross...which she did. It looked like rainbow brite and Mariah Carey had combined all of their glitter and put it on her eye lids...ugh. Another front runner, Paul McDonald (my wife's idol crush) was 4th. I liked him better last week, but he is too quirky and talented to be in any trouble this early. In my opinion the night started with 
PIA took the stage. She sang "all by myself" and out did the best performer of last week, which was also her! This Goddess (not the charlie sheen kind) is in it to win it...and yah, like a 15 year old girl trying to win Justin bieber tickets, I called and voted for her.
"blue" but it was pretty snooze worthy. Pastor Jacob Lusk sang the cheesiest song on earth "I believe I can fly". GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. This guy's voice is sooooo good but I cannot get around his terrible song choices, DRAMATIC singing faces, 
and lip gloss...he should just drop out now and sign a recording contract with Old Rugged Cross Records..or another gospel act. He even made Steven Tyler cheesy, he said "You wing's and voice will soar way beyond your wildest dreams" What the hell?? Thia, who they keep comparing to Michael Jackson?? Yes he looked like an Asian woman 
when he died but really??? She sang the worst version of "smile" that has ever been sung. She's talented but I don't see her going very far. J-Lo's secret lover, Stefano, follwed her. C'mon man!!! I was pulling for this guy but wtf! He sang Stevie Wonder's "Lately" the Hispanic-techo mess remix. AWFUL, but Gennifah still acted like she wanted to do him so...good for him. 
I understand appealing to your audience but come on!! She sang Selena, wore a bedazzled pant suit, had an unbeWEAVEable ponytail on...the only thing missing was the black eyeliner around her lips. Epico el frasco (my attempt at Spanish: Epic Fail). Dbag Scotty was the last guy. He sang Garth Brooks "river". I don't like this kid. Josh Turner already has the deep voice thing on lock...so just stop. I don't know the kid but he comes off as VERY arrogant, and his voice can't hang with most of the girls or guys...but I see him sticking around a little while ONLY because of the country vote. Closing the show was...not even worth talking about...but I can't leave her out. Nyema murdered "Umbrella" 
she mixed in this awful tribal beat/"dance"/disaster that for sure snagged her a spot in the bottom 3.
suggests that she drive b/c he's had a few too many...call a freakin taxi or steal an ambulance...don't buy into this stupid idea. Here's the kicker, not only did she hand the keys to her 10 year old...she GOT INTO THE BACK SEAT WITH HER 8 YEAR OLD SON. Former mother of the year 
Dina Lohan would like to nominate this woman for the 2011 award.